On to a subject I am sensitive about, my body/ weight. I weigh in at 158 and am 5'4. This makes me overweight. So, what did I do? I bought zumba. Ive done it 3 times, and I love it. So far my daily workout consists of a 20 min. Class, and a 20 min. Party. Im not changing my eating habis yet. Anyways, ill keep you posted.

The last 9 days of my life: friday: do stuff, workout after spawn goes to bed. Saturdayy: be sore, work out after spawn goes to bed. Sunday: rest from working out, big arguement with mother. Monday: get kicked out, get told an hour later that I can stay, not feel that I camn handle the stress of midterms, so spend the day shaking and playing with spawn, tear ab muscle, writh in pain. Tuesday: writh, not be able to walk, get pain pill that makes me high, burn self with heating pad. Wed: still not be able to walk, writh. Thursday: go to school, be unable to bend over, fieldtrip to ohs. Friday: still not be able to bend over. Today: ab doesnt hurt, wake up with severe back and cramp pain.

Hey! Russian peep! Be a follower! Make yourself known! Unless theres multiple russian peeps. Then make yourselves known! Anyways, so, ive had this app on my phone. Its called slacker radio. Its basically pandora. I heard a particular song on it 'everything you want'. It takes me back to a simpeler, but majorly depressed time in my life. I was going from highschool, to bumming around, and back again. I was also dating/engaged to j. J was... Well, he was part douchebag, part sweety, typical wrong person for me type of thing. I firmly believe he cheated on me and only wanted to be with me for sex. Anyways. We have broken up, and gotten back together so many times its not even funny. I wasted 3 years of my life on him. 3 years of constant fighting , fucking and basically being rabbits. I loved that body. So sleek, tanned, and toned. But I digress. There were good times, dont let me fool you. But this song, it makes me think of him, and all we went through. ,

My plea, and some damn good sex, worked. I started my period last night. It started REALLY light. Now I make things look like a murder scene. Murder in mah pants! Woot! Feels like murder too. But update to school. We are in the third mod. First week. But there were only 2 days this week. I got all b's last mod. So my gpa is up to 2.75. Best gpa I have EVER gotten... Its not good enough. I wants more. So, if I get, say, an a and a b this mod, ill have 4 b's 1 c, and an a. Raising my gpa to 3.0. Or 2 a's which would raise it to 3.6. Which im going for... I want 3.16 cumulative gpa at the end of this mod. And 4.0 gpa for this mod.

Sigh. Can my uterus do... SOMETHING? I havent had a period since the 6th... Of october... And all my tests say negatortly. Abd no, im not mlnourished. Ive only lost 25 lbs since I gave birth. And I do eat. I have over 1000 calories aday... Mostly in soda... Sigh. Wth is going on w/ me.

So, after 20 million more tests, all negative, and NO bleeding, other than from my hemerrhoid, which was really cool, I may have to admit that I just have a wierd period again. Or... Whatever. Maybe not eating much is stopping it? Psch, I wish. Than I might be thin enough to look good. Sigh. Though I am/ was down ten pounds. In other news, recently my mothers cousins two year old son had a seizure in the tub. He is improving. A lot. But please pray or send happy thoughts please. Ta ta.

So, little spawn is 13 weeks old exactly, and tomorrow, she will be 3 months old tomorrow. So nostalgic. Im passing my classes, ive got a wondrful spawn, and a wonderful fiance, and I am happy. Maube not with my self, but with my loved ones. My great uncle is gonna do chemo, so thats good. And.. Nothing else to report really... Ok. My life is boring...

So, I still think im pregnant. My nipples are now sensitive, and im late for my period. So... One tangible symptom. Not the period thing, cause thats so easily messed up its not even funny. Anyways. Ive taken 4 tests. All negative. Well, this is important. Ive been pregnant two times before. The first time, I was feeling like this, and oh look, no posatives, and... I miscarried... So im just watching... Waiting... And from the cramps, so is my body. Or I may not be pregnant afterall... Who knows. Either way, its natures way of saying 'bad genetic code at this time' I think im gonna try to sleep nao

This morning features my 2 most hated things. Waking up, and eating breakfast... It always makes me feel self concious. And yes I realize breakfast is good for you. And im in a rush.

Tonoght I had to just set her in her crib and walk away. She then passed out 2 minutes later... I hate it when this happens.. Not just because I hate having to walk away, but also knowing that its not me she needs... And the fact that my god, it only happens when im beyond sggrivated that NOTHING will calm her down. This has happened a few times. And it always makes me sad. Not just because I get aggrivated at her, which I hate, but because it marks independance... I used to co sleep her, but all of us became unhappy with this. I used to spend every moment with her... Until I started school, now I never do... I mean, I love that she can smile now, and hold her head up all on her own... But... With her seeming to grow up so fast... What am I missing and going to miss? What does she do all day? How is her tummy time doing? Sigh... I know its not really rational but... Im feeling a bit... Sad.

My mom isnt gonna die. Also, my great uncle is. I like my great uncle... Merf. And, according to my grandma, I need to marry my fiance so my spawn will have parents.

Phone still hates me, but I think im pregnant. Now, dont get me wrong, weve used condoms every time, which I know is not 100%, check my blog post about sex ed. Anyways, I havent missed a period yet, but I have been feeling more nausius, hungry more, sleeping more, and... Ive not only been wetter down there, but ive been hornier. Lets just hope im sick, shall we?

Content is still in title cause my phone hates me. Lol. Anyways, its like 7 am, a time whenim usually sleeping. But, since d has q at his mothers, due to transit fare issues, and im at home, I spent my night cleaning. The only things left are the laundry,, laundry room, and cat pans. At this point, im gonna study while the clothes are in the wash. Also, ive been revisiting 16.and pregnant. Its quite nice to just have the night off. But after ive cleaned, im gonna sleep, and then go to ds moms to drop off ds max fare, so he can come home tonight or tomorrow, and bring my spawn home. Im willing to leave him there for a night, but my babeh is comin with.

And im sorry for that. It wasnt my intention to let weeks go by. First off, its because im so busy. Study, baby, school...not much else. Than I got sick. Pukey type sick. Than my moms medical issues popped up. She may be dieing... Yeah... So, updates on everything School, we finished the first mod. I am a 3.0 student. Woot. Im now in a&p part duex, and english. Yes, we have only had 2 classes at a time so far. Were dissecting, and we recently put down my rat (giant tumor) as a learning experiance. We no longer get a lunch break, which is fine with me, since I dont eat in social situations anyways. The spawn: shes 2 months old. 11lbs 4oz, 23.25 inches. And the pediatrician was impressed with her head holding up abilities. She is also sick... She is also kinda teething... At the same time... Yeah, its hell... My mom: about a month ago, my mom told me she had a mass on her left ovaries. It is causing her to be in pain constantly, spot, and not be hungry...the doctors told her there were 3 possabilities. 1) its just a cyst 2)its cancer and hasnt spread.and 3) its cancer, has spread, and is terminal. Now, she doesnt need this. Shes only 44. Shes already HAD cancer, and not has no thyroid, requiring her to take meds every single day to survive. Me: and part of this may be selfish. Im not sure how im taking/dealing with this... My child, I hate seeing her so sad and in pain and sick. Its heartbreaking. I want her just to be done with the teething, just so she doesnt have to feel it. And yes, a small part of that is because I cant stand the crys because their annoying. Yes, I take care of her solely because I love her, not because shes annoying, but I cant help ot. Its an annoying sound. My school. As strange as itsounds, I enjoy it. Its my break time. And spent learning, even better. Yeah, im a nerd, and prob. A bad mommt, but whatever. Let me put it this way, I love my daughter, I hate doing mommy things. But I do them,, so she can be happy and healthy. Midterms and finals are hard times for me. I break down. And finally, how I feel about my moms issues. Im... Not sure. I mean, theres a very real possibility of her dieing. I mean, what if they didnt catch it until very late and she died in her sleep? Im scared. And confused. And sad. I mean, is itwrong ofme to hope that if she is dieing, she does it quickly? Is it wrong of me to think about how im not ready for her to go? Or to start making plans of what would need to be done? I feel like something is taking her away from me. And I dont like it. Not one bit.... And I cant post content for whatever reason, so thats why this is the title

Sick. Very sick

Well, its finally happened. Im bi ck. Very sick. Puking, diarreah, pain, fatigue, the works. So off to grandmas daughter goes with fiance. Pukey baby doesnt sound fun. In other news, ive learned that you can litteraly suck the flavor off of cheese.

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Welp.

Were coming up on the halfway mark of the second week of the first mod. Since each mod is only 5 weeks long, that means the first mod is almost halfway over. Which means midterms. Which also means I really need to buckle down and work harder. I still have an essay to do, but I def.. Need to study harder. I think, over the weekend, im gonna study all that weve learned throughout the past 2 weeks, and do extra, and thank god I has caffiene pills. Which I cant take tomorrow. I need to un-od. Lol. Its gotten easier, what with the whole daughter and school thing. There was a little disagreement/ misunderstanding earlier, but we got itcleared up. Also, my first test came back. 93%... I suppose its not bad. But itll get harder, and I dont like less than 100%... I think ill review my reasons for doing this. My family. My self. My dream. My moneys. My wedding... I feel like so much is riding on this.... But ill get through...

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Cramps, diarrhea, and oh my fucking god, im gonna die

This describes me tonight. Maybe I should cut out all dairy for a few days and see if anything clears up... On the plus side, the spawn has been asleep since 8.

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My period

Have I ever bitched about my period? If not, let the bitching commence.

My cycle is currently 11 days long. As in period srart is day one, day before I bleed next is day 11. Noe, it ranges from thay, to 60 days. Obviously its a miracle I got pregnant. Not really, since it had been about 2 years since I had seen a condom, and I got pregnant during a long cycle. They started out normal. From the first, to 2 years later. Always at the start of the year. Now, the irregularity doesnt bother me. Its the fact that im basically incapacitated during them. Losing blood drains me physically, I sleep A LOT, no matter how little blood, and turns off my brain. Obviously not conducive to school... Or raising a child. I honestly cant wait till my 6 week check up for like... The pill. Itll regulate me, and if needed they can find a reason for this irregularity. And maybe an rx for cramps... This is all.

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Ugh

I can NOT wait till the 30th. Thats my 6 week check up. Thats when I could hypothetically get on the pill and maybe lengthen my cycle. Jey, even a 14 day cycle would be better. My cramps are worse when its a 11 day cycle than when its a 60 day cycle...

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Scholastic endeavers so far

So, day 2 of college. My cohort, theits a group of students ill be with for the next 14 months, has started a study group to meet monday through friday at 12 a.m. 1 less hour of sleep isnt gonna kill me, right? Ill just need to remember that its for daddy and daughter. And its my dream. Also, im joining the student chapter of navta (national association of veterinary technicians of america). Itll look good on my resume, and yeah. Its a really good association. I just need 10 dollars by the 25th. But we got out early. So I get to go home and do the remainder of last nights homework, and tonights, and maybe some extra work, to help get ahead.

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My fiance

He is wonderful. He has her during the day, he watches her when I dtudy, which, half my hw last night took... 6 hours. Before my mind rebellef, and I went to sleep. He is what allows me to do this. If it werent for him, I wouldnt be able to. So, shout to him.

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I've set a date!!!

not a wedding date. or at least not a specific, non-changable date. the date i chose was my birthday. october 7th. I will be 20 years old. now that i've set the date, i'm excited. i can't friggen wait. like, i'm sitting here, with one hand under my chin, and i'm smelling the oder. i don't normally smell my own cigarette oder. it's absolutely... how can my fiance, or daughter, or mother (who quit around the time i started) even STAND to be around me??? I'm also thinking of moving the quit date sooner... I'm going to quit cold turkey. I have a paper listing my reasons for quitting taped to my binder, and one listing the positive changes your body goes through after quitting, with a timeline thingy taped to the other side. I'm serious about this. especially after smelling myself. 25 days until i quit smoking. forever. or at least thats what my countdown thingy says.

my reasons for quitting: (not in order of importance)

1) school
2)becoming a vet
3) my daughter
4) my fiance
5) my mother
6) stickman
7) the flipped one
8) myself
9) less chances of cancer
10) peppermon
11) moneys
12) the smell
13) the taste
14) future children (if any)
15) my pets
16) longer clothing lives
17) less chances of emphasema
18) i have asthma... why did i even start???
19) restored senses
20) maybe if i quit, my fiance's mother will be able to.
21) it controls me
22) a valad reason to be a bitch (hee hee)
23) my mom was able to do it, why shouldnt i?
24) i used to harp on my mom to quit...
25) more energy
26) more time to study (hey, 5 minutes or so adds up!!!!)
this isn't a reason, but im watching the previews on the lion king disk, and i just realized. the kid from 2 and a half men is the kid from george of the jungle 2.
27) i like a challenge
28) have you seen the pictures? ewwwww
29) look younger
30) pave the way for other healthy changes

Studying and spawn

So, I tried it again. Studying. I got through one page... At most. Then she decided she wanted my attention. I REALLY wish daddy had taken here to work with him today. I could have studied. A lot. And cleaned. And not gotten pooped on. Seriously, always make sure diapers are tight enough. But back to the topic. So, studying. Its important to study and get all homework done, and have no distractions. Ok. So, with her. She loves being held. Sometimes cries to be held. So theres one didtraction. Up to an hour at a time rhat I could be studying. Then, feeding. That has taken up to 20 minutes before. Every few hours. Diaper changes. Actually quick. But I could still be studying. Making bottles. So say I have her all night. And im studying. Or trying to. I try to study for 6 hours. My fiance wants me to watch a 5 minute video. 5 hours 55 minutes left. Ok. Well, say theres 4 videos. 20 minutes lost. Ok. 5 hours 40 minutes left. Great. Ok. So, then the spawn is hungry. 20 minutes gone. 5 hours 20 minutes left. Oh! She wont go to sleep unless your holding her. It takes a whole hour for you to be able to set her down. 4 hours and 20 minutes left. You get like... 1 hour of studying done before your starving. Say you want a sandwich. 5 minutes gone from making, and 10 gone feom eating. (eating and studying is bad for digestion) so 4 hours and 5 minutes left. Then she wakes up and is hungry again. Eats for like 5 minutes before needing another bottle. Takes like... Ill say 5 minutes to make, then she eats for 15 more minutes. 20 min. Gone. 3 hours 45 minutes. Oh! Then shes poopie. You wait for her to finish. Before she does, you get pooped on... So... 5 minutes, plus a half hour shower. 3 hours 10 minutes left. Worried yet? Then shes clingy again. 2 hours 10 minutes left. Something important comes up it takes 15 minutes. So... 1 hour 55 minutes left. Then you buckle down 2 hours and 55 minutes of studying done... Hmm.. Grades suffer for it. Then the next day, it gets repeated... So you decide to stay up all night. Great. You then take night duty, and tomorrows day duty after school... So, your exhausted, and fall asleep in class. You have no idea what material was presented. You see where this is going? Good. Now, say your doing it all by yourself. Theres the added time spent getting everything ready to take the spawn to whereever. Say day care. Great. Now you need a job. You could have been studying. And her intteruptions, you could have been studying. No sleep. By this point, this post is a psa for girls who are still in school and contemplating having a baby. Note: theres enough single parents out there to prove that a baby wont make him stay. You may have no support at all. Babies cry. A LOT. They want to be held. Are you ready to change diapers, wipe poopie butts, sometimes get up from a deep sleep to do so? Make, warm up, test bottles, also sometimes in the middle of the night? Comfort the spawn, bathe them, not kill them for sleep depriving you, pack up 50 lbs of crap to go anywhere, keep a house clean, go to school, work, possibly full time, do the shopping, drs appts, take it easy for 6 weeks afterward, have a bellypooch, bleed for a while, whatever area you gave birth out of hurt for a few weeks, possibly lose friends, possible stretchmarks, are you ready for that? If not, dont do it.

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Yay, I get to bring it up!!!

So, im a member of babycenter. Its like a pregnant gaia. If you dont know what gaia is, its a public forum. Which reminds me I need to check my hex. Anyways, I digress... One of the girls posted that her sister might be pregnant. About 4-5 months, but doesnt know. Now, ive seen the pics that were posted. Shes def. Pregnant.

Noe, you may be wondering how she could not know. Well, for 1) shes a virgen.

Let me explain a few things. If there is an erect penis in close proximity to the pubic region, pr eg nancy can happen. How? Sperm is made to seek out the egg. And before ejaculation, there is precum. Like, any time the penis is erect, there can and probably is precum.

Precum has sperm. So, say a guy rubs his dick against the labia (the outer area), and there is precum. Then say there is sperm in the precum, the sperm CAN find its way into the vagina.

Now, for even more fun information. A woman cann get pregnant up to 2 years before her period. The period is no indication of when a woman ovulated. Generally speaking, a woman ovulates 2 weeks before her next period. This CAN be earlier, or later than expected. Which is why accidents can happen even when charting to prevent. Now, for those who dont know,ovulation is when a womans ovarie releases a fertalized egg. However, sperm can live for up to a week in the womanly reproductive organs. The egg can also stick around for a day or two after. So. What have we learned thus far? Hard dick near vagina equals possible baby. Another note. Say the guy finishes himself off, or she does it for him, and the one that finished him off sticks their fingers near the vagina. Yup, possible pregnancy. Same with precum. Sperm near vagina equals possible pregnancy. Remember this.

Now, how can someone not know? Well, for one, not everyone experiances symptoms. Seriously.

But, if you think theres no way in hell your pregnant, and you puke, whats your automatic assumption? That your sick.

Lack of period(more on this later) is taken as stress, doing more, eating less, there are MANY reasons one wouldnt have their period as expected.

Fatigue can be taken as sickness, breast tenderness can be a sign of pms, headaxhea, heartburn, cjange in appatite, moodiness, diarriah/ constipation, belly growth they can ALL have alternate reasons.

The period. Now, some women can say you can have your period while pregnant. That wouls terminate the pregnancy by definition. A period is when a fertalized egg has not implantef itself to the womb, so the uterine lining sheds, along with blood, obviously. Now, if the uterine lining were to shed during the pregnancy, the egg would have nowhere to sit. So it would die. So, actual period does mean not pregnant. However, a woman can have PERIOD-LIKE bleeding. It c an even be monthly. This is not a period. So stop saying it is. Please.

Note, some women do not show when they aare pregnant. As in their belly does not grow. Feel sorry for them, as thats probably going to mean back labor. Which flippen hurts.

Now, fetal movement, in my experiance, not saying this is the way everyone is, it feels like a muscle spasm. which can happen any time. also, if your busy, you might not feel it. Or the baby can once again be hiding, so you wouldnt feel it.

Now, the hymen problem. A brokrn hymen does not mean loss of virginity. Seriously. It can be born broken, it can break through exercise, or tampon use, or sever other ways that are not sexual. I personally lost mine through sex. Not everyone will.

Also, birth control. The pill, condoms, the shot, the patch, the ring, iud, vasectomy (males only), tubes tied (female only), im sure there are more. These are all almost 100%. Meaning not 100%. Meaning they can fail. Yes, even those last two. Typically you should use a condom, and some other method. Oh yeah, just remembered 2, the female condom, and spermicide.

Not, their all goingto make pregnanxy less likely. However, only condoms will help prevent stds/ stis/ whatever the fuck their calling them this week. Oh, another method, the sponge. I know nothing about it.


Oh! Another thing. Ectopic pregnancies( pregnancy with a misplaced egg) not only is dangerous, but also can have no symptoms.

So seriously, keep in tune with your body. Know your body. Love your body.

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9/11

We all remember ten years ago. Fine, why shouldnt we? Lots of lives were lost, lots of lives were touched. I got that. It was sad. But can we PLEASE stop having the moment of silence every year? Its been 10 yearz. We should move on. Please. I beg of you. Im not sauing to forget. Just... Stop bringing it to the forfront of our memories. Seriously. We could be doing more productive things wiith our time. Really. This is all.

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School and a little one

So, as mentioned in my previous post, my daughter is 4 weeks old, and I attempted to study today. Let me put it this way. 6 hours to get through 22 pages. Why? Part of it was my wandering mind. Part of it was my ffiance calling my attention to something, and most of it was her... Wanting to be held, fed, changed, whatever. Yeah. Not good. My only option for optimim studying is to do it at night. which I dont want to, since I like sleeping at night, and need my energy for the day...but I also want to get as much studying as possible done. Im gonna be paying off 11000+ in,loans either wY. So I might as well get my moneys worth. Also, im securing a better future for my family, and following my dream all at the same time. I want to get more out of this then boredom, and being fofced to quit smoking. Apparently the vet tech program is anti smoking. Which is good. ive bern meaning to quit. Il have to cut back first, since cold turkey doesnt work for me. So itll help me be healthier.

Im just worried about how im supposed to do this... Until monday, studying is light. And optional. Which makes it wierd that im doing it... Causr ive never had to study before. But im determined to be a good mothet, student, and eventually, vet... I will whine about it thougj, cause I do that. lol.

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I should soo be cleaning

So, Im sitting on the couch, watching my fiance play video games. Its been a LOONG day of studying, cooking, cleaning, and caring for my daughter. In my fiances defense, hes nocturnal, so he has the night shift for watching her, plus it was his birthday. Anyways, I cant stopthinking about the dishes and laundry that still need to be done... Lol. But I just wanna relax... I dunno. I probably will relax after I clean.... Anyways, since I started this on a relatively relaxing day, ill just post my currentness, and a real intro.

Hi!! Im lexxy. Im 19, engaged to a 26 year old wonderful man, and we have a beautiful 4.week old little girl. Im doing this on my p ho ne, because real internet annoyd me, so excuse wierd typos and spaces and stuff. Oh, and we live with my mother.

My fiance works as his mothers caretaker, but she has no job, so he pays her bills, which we live with my mother, who works at intel full time, and as a stripper part time also.

I dont work, but I do start an accelerated 14 month vet tech. Program on monday. Im also going to find a job while I learn, so I can help, and save up. But not till ive been doing school for a few months.

We live with 3 dogs, 4 cats, a snake, a rat, and 2 temporary cats. More on them and everything else at a later date, I promise. Anyways, tafn! Loves!

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